Before I leave here, I want
to hear my name change in the mouth
of another animal.
Let it take long.
He’ll want what I wanted from you—
blood at its richest,
most luminous, in that first moment
it touches the air.
Like the hunted
I need the day’s sharpness—
deeper water,
something alive to sift
through me and kill.
- All Souls Day, Alex Dimitrov
to hear my name change in the mouth
of another animal.
Let it take long.
He’ll want what I wanted from you—
blood at its richest,
most luminous, in that first moment
it touches the air.
Like the hunted
I need the day’s sharpness—
deeper water,
something alive to sift
through me and kill.
- All Souls Day, Alex Dimitrov
Perhaps a possible explanation to my recent form of subdued / subjugated blogging is of my immense fear of being judged - my words being diced and nitpicked on, my thoughts thought out, myself deduced and scrutinized.
I have the least idea whence this fear first sprouted, nor from when, nor how; but it shouldn't be like that.
This is my blog, my personal space. I didn't set out to get an account just to keel under the pressure from the public eye. This tiny window among the sea of others is just as insignificant and unnoteworthy as any other and the least I could have is the right to write just about anything, however I want to convey it, no matter what the impression it sets forth.
After all, isn't this is my selfish enclosure, and my letters to my future?
Take this as my first step in banishing all people-pleasing thoughts and intentions as I start to look inside and at myself. Also, I'm whipping out my point-and-shoot and putting the pictures into the equation of the decision because, let's face it, IT'S MY BLOG. And well yeah, now that I have no thesis nor assignments to excuse myself from freewriting and now that I have all the fuhreaking time in the world (not really),
I shall write, and I shall shoot, and I shall express.
Your approval is not needed, here's my middle finger to the world.
And now I force feed whoever's reading with some fairly recent photos from my fairly recent BlackBerry:
A random paddlepop sky in random Putrajaya one very random day
A not-so-savoury-looking plate of vegetarian pasta but on the contrary, it tasted simply ambrosial
That's Orianthi, the national animal of Australia. We got free VIPs and she was awesome.
Look what godding did to him.
More randomness to ensue, soon. Mercury is no longer in retrogade and we can all be awesome again!
