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The internet has been nothing but a bitch to me lately. That was a lame excuse.

I make mental notes about the randomest of things, even twitter doesn't cut it sometimes. That's because said mental notes are unbelievably delicate - especially ones in the shower. I think my mental notes are worthy of your epiphanies cause they are amazingly brilliant...but horribly flimsy. There have been countless times that I've helplessly lost my grasp on them and it pains me oh so badly. I should start acting upon dedicating myself unto preserving these "epiphanies" and archive them. And maybe I could then gain a better understanding towards...uh, the universe.

:)

Lately I've been high on a lot of things. To sum them up, I could say that I have been high on life. It's got to stop though. Too much of anything is never a good thing. Like sugar. And water. And the internet. Blah.

I shall now contradict myself. Because too much of anything will render anyone to addiction. Because too much of anything will result in quite an abysmal hollow if you yanked it away. Because I am annoying like that.

How about immersing and entwining myself in culture? Yes, why not? Tis much better than life.
*blows snot bubbles*

Remnants

What was it that I felt? What can I make of these recollections of yesternight?

I remember two people lying side by side.
I remember the throes of mental battle.
I remember a resistance to fight.
I remember admiring the bella luna.

It felt happy. It felt like two people meeting each other after an eternity of wayward bounding. As though someone spiked the drinks with euphoria. As though something was telling me

"I could do this."

Do you have any inkling of an idea how catastrophic the change was? I do not want to sound angry for I do not intend to be. Not ever. I cannot risk you or anyone walking out of my life again. Looks like that is not going to happen, with my oddity. Who could tolerate this nonsense? You? For a year?

I know I am odd and if only, just, if only, there could be someone out there who could actually grasp this odd being and love her for her oddness.

These are words from the heart, though I try not to get too personal when I'm blogging - with all the good that it might do to this already heavy heart-bearing cage-like enclosure.

I cannot do this. What happened to me was incredibly unfair as though fate was out to spite me. It is also incredibly unfair that I do not seem to be blaming myself. So blame myself I shall. Seeing that we cannot reverse time, I am forever marred by this. By you. You shall not bring all this upon me again. No. Henceforth I shall say no.

I might regret this, I might not. Our paths diverge. You are meant for the road to greatness. We all know this.

I'll just...try to be content with the nobody that I am. For I am and will always be...

A nobody.

The bars weigh in weight while we wait in vain

Frequently regarding every tragedy as a lesson learned, we build cages from bars of might more magnificent than that of adamantium. For every misfortune, for each blow, we establish a bar. Figuratively speaking, we regard each and every bar as an experience and we put them up, telling ourselves, "never again, my dear. For you are too fragile, too weak. Now here's a bar to remind you."

As life goes, it gets harder and harder to penetrate this cage. How many bars have you collected? My cage is heavy now.

Have you learned your lessons?

I know I haven't.