How long?

Abusive relationships - something we read about constantly. And hot on the heels of the recent #metoo and #timesup movements, I feel like I should speak up, albeit slightly too late. Truth is, I’ve debated on whether I should go public with this for fear of the possible backlash, drama, and rumours it might spark. But upon further deliberation, if not now, then when is ever a good time to claim my voice as a woman in this day and age? Especially when the other party is doing all he can to spin ridiculous tales, some as far-fetched as “She threatened to kill herself if I leave her” to his family members. Anything to paint a perfect picture of a nutjob to convince the people on your side to stay on your side, right? Friends would know that I am anything but this person. 

There’s a lot that go into abuse, first being the emotional blackmail.

When you’re backed to a corner, frozen to the point of inaction, fearing that any next move would cause further damage to what’s left of the relationship, silenced from saying much, you’re emotionally blackmailed.

“Bitch, ungrateful, boss-fucker, golddigger”. When, in your efforts to move on, you try to ignore his messages and advances because you recognise the harm they’re causing you, only to be called “selfish” and a slew of other degrading names in return, that’s an emotional and verbal attack.

When he realises he has a power over you and that you would never, ever desert him because your self-confidence has all but been ground into smithereens, then on top of all of it, cheats on you with another person, you’re a fucking emotional hostage.

And it hurts way beyond the physical abuse. Yes, second comes the physical abuse.

Furniture flying across the room.
Your favourite item smashed to bits into the floor.
A punched-in, dented wall in the apartment elevator.
A slap to your face.
A kick in your gut.
Constant shoving to reinstate dominance.

All of the above, checked.

So, what DO you do? Nothing much. “Just move on and move away from him”, right? If only it was as easy. I’ve considered quitting my job because he’s there, sat at meetings collaborating on many projects. I’ve considered moving out of the country to escape anything and everything that has to do with him. Friends say I’m overreacting. If only they knew. So here I am, shedding some light on what I’ve been through the past few years. It’s not easy, and my health and physical being have suffered greatly. I’m free now, but for how long?