maefurriel

Tsk tsk

2012-01-22T18:44:00.004+08:00

Looking back on 2010, & 2009 and wondering why the hell do girls my age get so insecure and feel so shitty about ourselves. We curse at ourselves, tell ourselves to get a grip, hate on ourselves, get so heartbroken by random people, so obsessed with people unworthy of being obsessed about, and somehow felt it so important to let it all out for the whole world to know.

Us. Girls. So Funny. Vying for attention that nobody would be bothered giving because it's just so so so typical. We all grow up soon enough though.

Otherwise, grammar-wise, impressive I should say. Perhaps it's really time to work on this blog again. Here are some resolutions: stop slouching, stop cracking knuckles, drink more water, read more books, read a lot of books, maybe run a little. And work on the blog.

Idol rAchel has aged so much and gone on to become someone at Harvard. She is, also, no longer fun-seeming. Still inspiring, nonetheless.

Oh, life. You peculiar thing. So minute and trivial yet too slow and magnified for our human brain comprehension. Hence, we look to idols and random people unworthy of being obsessed about.

Only human.

Hello Mr Nazari

2012-01-21T01:35:00.009+08:00

I write upon your request. You got a point there - I have not been updating. Well mainly because I've been so aloof from everything personal. To put it simply, I haven't had much time of my own after August.

Life has seen a tenfold increase in social activity (and workload but we shall talk about that later), and I think I got it somewhere in a corner of my mind to be a weekend warrior. Has it been good? Yes. And bad at the same time. This blog, for instance, has not seen an update and it does seem as though I've met with a grave, sudden...uh, something bad.

Well, I was just distracted.

And I'm fatter now, said my brother just now - my brother whom I've only last met last month. Yes I'm currently back in Penang for the Lunar New Year holidays. This could possibly mean that I will be getting even fatter for it is quite impossible to NOT feed Jake, here in Penang. I missed Penang. I missed you, in Penang. I missed you.

I was just thinking how retreating from the city to things of a smaller scale once in a while helps so much in terms of reflection and keeping a sane mind. It's been almost 2 years of service to the company that you hated so much once upon a time. And those "almost 2 years" took me up, down, far from, and very deep into myself. I realized that it's probably time to throw in the letter and go. Where to? I don't know. This year could very well be an insightful one, compared to 2011 - the year I failed to update my blogspot.

Apart from work and being fat, I've also found myself a group of friends who are simply awesome, and delved a little bit into music-making too. Check this out:

+ by +2dB

All in 2011 :)

Nothing too impressive. But it's been fun. We're just fooling around, really. As for pictures, come on, my facebook is not short of them. Sri Lanka happened, Bali happened (twice), plus a whole lotta concerts and nights out and letting loose and getting lost.

Here's a short paragraph on something you'd be absolutely clueless about. Skip it if you want to. But you won't. I know.
KL has been struck by a sudden wave of young adults wanting to be "hipsters". I, personally despise that term and anyone who proudly calls themselves that. What in the world is a "hipster" and if it means "not mainstream" then can someone explain why it is so "cool" and popular? What's worse - they've adopted it on to the radio and made a show, specifically calling out "hipsters"...and then playing dubstep. Oh, so hipsters listen to dubstep?

So much pretense, it saturates everything and everyone. You never really know who anybody really is in this crazy city.

Thanks for the email,
and good luck, Yeti Tracker!

♥

August Blabbers

2011-08-22T18:04:00.005+08:00

Holy dolphin was August eventful or what? If there was one word I could describe the past month with, it would be "Hurtling", (grammar, structure, and whatnots aside) cause it really did feel like I was hurtling/hurtled past the days, through the weeks, into the mornings, and out of bed. Rinse, repeat, thank you very much.

Frankly I can't even recall half of what happened in the 3 weeks that were; it was a vague mosaic picture of (in no particular order) cuddles, good food, mosquitos, chatime, literal fast breaking, weekend debaucheries, hours away from home and self, weekday stowaways, electro-esque/dubstepness earish fantasies, and finally possibly finding someone whom I think could very much help me from my self and state.

It's really back to that phase of busyness that has yet to be defined; the one where you don't exactly know what you're doing and why you're doing so, nor where you're going with what you're doing. All you know is that you're indulging and having genuine fun, and that's all you think about, sort of all that really matters.

I'm strictly refusing to think of it all as a bad thing though. Instead it shall be acknowledged as a process; a transition point, if you may. The positive wagon hasn't come back since the last time I fell off, so I'm guessing this is what I do as I grapple and while the time away till it comes round the mountain again. Perhaps what I'm really doing is building my own wagon...can't fully rely on the volatility that is the Schedule and Times of the Positive Wagon now can we?

Enough time passes

2011-07-27T19:28:00.008+08:00

You'd lose the whole of July. Which is funny cause moments ago I was standing in the shower looking back at the events in July and thinking "damn can't July go any faster?" And here's this blog, still at its last post sometime in June when spirits were still high.

Spirits were high, post said post. A good part of it had good things coming aplenty. The crash and burn part only happened last week. Oddly enough, I got to watch Incubus live last week, along with Brandon Boyd uttering a meager "Hi" to me. Come weekend, I spiraled out of control - into answering them little voices in my head, heeding their beckoning of doing whatever the fuck I want. Guess the voices didn't ask me to be prepared for the amount of shame and guilt that come lumbering along after. Oh wait, that's another voice - conscience - perhaps absent from it all as it couldn't go along well with them other voices.

The time has come for me to sink into the murky waters of deep depressing rumination...maybe more so now after the weekend led me on to fall quite ill. Took a day off today and stayed in bed for the most part, mainly due to the numbing effect from the medications. Gave me time to think hard, think deep. Lo and behold, I still have not found my purpose in life. Passion for my job? Zero. Passion for my friends? I struggle. Passion for anything at all? Dare I say I couldn't be arsed?

It's odd how people tell me that I come off as a person quite intelligent, yet I don't know what existentialism means. It's odd how I landed my job, doing it day in day out, yet it still feels unwelcoming. It's odd, it really is. How am I not supposed to doubt things and myself when things are this odd?

Is everyone like this? If it's just me, then why is my mind so messed up? I need stability, or so they tell me. But do I really want stability? When chaos strikes, regardless of the booming voice of conscience that entails, that's when I truly have fun, when I truly feel. Only during chaos. Some call it living in the moment. I like the idea of chaos. If my life could be chaos, spinning into nothingness, no conscience nor normality after, then perhaps I could then freely be me.

Serengeti

2011-06-16T23:07:00.005+08:00

They do say that it's all about the momentum. Well, they don't. But whatever. Most often times than not, the trick is to get started and once you do slide off that cliff, all that's left is a momentum, that of a grassy downhill tumble.

Which is where I am at this point, tumbling...you could say that I'm on a roll. Not in acing, but rather in living. Getting busy living, because the meaning to life is to give life a meaning. Doesn't really matter if the goals haven't been achieved, I know they will come. No asking, begging or borrowing, the first step is to BE.

BEING caught up with living - getting up, getting dressed, getting to work, eating, drinking, greeting "good morning, good evening, good night", writing, reading, smiling, laughing - may seem trivial but it is all that matters. I've always been intrigued by idle thoughts, but I've also learned that idle thoughts from an already idle life is septic.

Idle thoughts of idle living vs idle thoughts of busy living. There's the difference right there. Put it simply, it is alright to stop and think, but never alright to dwell. Looking back I wonder how I did it, but with a smirk I tell myself that I'm STILL at it. And I do not plan to stop. With ample snooze time, and a healthy mind to take me anywhere, why not?

In Practice

2011-06-07T23:30:00.004+08:00

I am 23, but they say age is just a number.

And at 23, I'm ashamed to admit that writing has become insanely alien to me. Try as I might, summoning up a coherent sentence is no longer as easy.

Also at 23, it has dawned upon me that I am H-O-L-L-O-W. I thought I had rediscovered myself back in Bali in the Friday that was, but being back here to the same old routine has once again driven me into ... senseless ennui.

Oh snap out of it Jo Ann you know you're better than this if you could just STOP trying so hard. Always remember that it's all a matter of perspective so strive to look at it from another angle. Yes I am talking to myself but this is completely fine, seeing that self-reflection is as healthy as it gets...unless of course, if it leaves your life stagnant and unchanged. *shudders*

Before I sign myself off from a totally pointless blog post (they all are all the time, I know) I have a confession: I love, hence am addicted to travelling. There's that dream, still waiting to be realised. Which leads to a pressing - possibly pivotal - notion: Could I possibly work something out where I can maintain a certain balance between doing what I love and not dying from it out of sheer inability to sustain doing what I love?

Meh. I'm 23. About time, baby.

It's MAY

2011-05-01T13:53:00.002+08:00

I'm turning 23

Damn straight it's scary

How'd you get to be

2011-04-28T22:59:00.002+08:00

Fascinated.

Sucks to feel left out although you're right in.

Headfirst

2011-02-20T16:13:00.003+08:00

Stop being so hard on yourself and trying with all might to rectify things within.

Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.

No more picking. The world is your oyster.

However far away...

2011-02-12T14:25:00.006+08:00

Reading, reading, back to doing a lot of reading nowadays; alternating between Pamuk & Rhinehart, taking as much time as I wish. Too much time I'm afraid. Sometimes I wished I should have sped up the reading process but during those times, something's always telling me to take my time with a book - take in every word, phrase, and paragraph like wine.

I remember the days when I use to gobble up pages with furor and spit the book up back into the bookshelf, insatiable. There's the read section, and the yet-to-be's, including a silent mental section for the favourites and never-again's. Mom used to get so angry every time I come home with a new book, incensed by my money management. I wonder why myself at times; why books, why not dresses?

Well, I suspect those days of eager avid gobble-reading have long been muzzled. With barely any time and the fact that I rarely ever buy anymore, I guess this is why I chose to go at my books like a tortoise on a snail now. Not that it's a bad thing. My average daily word consumption remains at a favourable level I shall say...

I just need to write more. And play the piano more.

And perhaps one day muster enough courage to unhinge the case and take a peek at my cello...ol buddy ol pal. Bet the strings have all rusted, and I wonder what I'd do if I find it housing a family of termites.

Shucks.

Don't sleep so much

2011-02-08T00:13:00.005+08:00

The Monday after Chinese New Year. Back to work. Semi-amazed at how I drifted through my tasks in the morning. It's always easier to go equipped with a good amount of headlines right from whence the clock stroke 12. Which, is precisely what I'm supposed to be doing at this very moment but I opted for free-writing simply because it's been quite some time.

Hi.

Is it me or does Chinese New Year get more and more heartbreaking by the year? The gash just gets deeper and more septic as I return every time. I admit it will be a while before I bother to meddle in matters over on that side of the family really. Some of us too weary, some...just wary.

Not like anyone cared to try anyway, save two: One whom I deem the most important person to me in this world, one whom I am bound to shed my ego and love, hopefully before it's too late.

Inferno

2011-01-04T15:28:00.002+08:00

I hear voices through the wall. The next room vibrates with a distant sound, a mist of sound which scarcely comes through the wall.

I shall not be able to listen any more, or look into the room, or hear anything distinctly. And I, who have not cried since my childhood, I cry now like a child because of all that I shall never have. I cry over lost beauty and grandeur. I love everything that I should have embraced.

Here they will pass again, day after day, year after year, all the prisoners of rooms will pass with their kind of eternity. In the twilight when everything fades, they will sit down near the light, in the room full of haloes. They will drag themselves to the window's void. Their mouths will join and they will grow tender. They will exchange a first or a last useless glance. They will open their arms, they will caress each other. They will love life and be afraid to disappear. Here below they will seek a perfect union of hearts. Up above they will seek everlastingness among the shades and a god in the clouds.

The monotonous murmur of voices comes through the wall steadily, but I do not catch what is being said. I am like anybody else in a room.

I am lost, just as I was the evening I came here when I took possession of this room used by people who had disappeared and died - before this great change of light took place in my destiny.

Perhaps because of my fever, perhaps because of my lofty pain, I imagine that some one there is declaiming a great poem, that some one is speaking of Prometheus. He had stolen light from the gods. In his entrails he feels the pain, always beginning again, always fresh, gathering from evening to evening, when the vulture steals to him as it would steal to its nest. And you feel that we are all like Prometheus because of desire, but there is neither vulture not gods.

There is no paradise except that which we create in the great tomb of the churches. There is no hell, no inferno except the frenzy of living.

There is no mysterious fire.

I have stolen the truth. I have stolen the whole truth. I have seen sacred things, tragic things, pure things, and I was right. I have seen shameful things, and I was right. And so I have entered the kingdom of truth, if, while preserving respect to truth and without soiling it, we can use the expression that deceit and religious blasphemy employ.

--- Henri Barbusse

How apt

2011-01-03T19:51:00.001+08:00

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

--- Paulo Coelho

To Joy, By Joy

2010-12-27T15:32:00.005+08:00

I'm back again, I'm such a good grrrl. No intention whatsoever on this post though, I just feel like it. I'm sure everyone's familiar with this recurring "I feel like blogging!" thing. Sucks to be you if you've never experienced it.

I stumbled upon two very inspiring tumblr-ish thingamabobs as of late. Well, honestly I got them from tumblr. teehee. tumblr can be so awesome at times. At the others it's just really a waste of time. But then again, the time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time - a quote so heavily requoted that I don't know anymore nor do I care if it's John Lennon or Bertrand Russell who said it. Does it matter even?

So here, since I've chosen to dedicate this time into writing a post simply because I truly enjoy this very act, I shall allow myself to fully BE in it. I didn't take pictures again. But it's okay, I'm letting this one slide. Perhaps for 2011, I might pick it back up. But that's not for certain, no, it isn't, nothing is, the only certainty in life that I know and am confident of, is death, and with that said, nothing at all is certain, not even you, nor your engagement, nor your status, nor your health, nor the stars, nor...okay I shall not go there, just in case.

As I was saying, the two awe-inspiring thingamabobs, in lieu of photos. Allow me to lightly persuade you to allow yourself to mull it around, over, upside down, inside out, and all about:

Life is really simple, don't complicate it with all your mind games and shizz. Frankly I don't give two hoots about "the game" and if you're playing it, why?

Well that's that then, they're pretty self-explanatory. Goodbye for now. I'm happy.

A christmas and a new year

2010-12-26T11:51:00.011+08:00

Hello there, I figured that I should prolly post something here before the year closes.

Let me first put it out here that I tremendously love this blog and I suspect that this love is bigger than my love for twitter. Forget facebook, I wouldn't advise myself to go on that site ever unless...well, unless I intend to make myself feel horribly self unworthy. facebook is bullshit.

So yeah, this blog has been my outlet in the realm of the written, and you know me, I'm forever infatuated with words. It's just too bad that lately, what's deterring me from posting is my fear of being unable to put forth a coherent and cohesive paragraph, let alone a string of sentences of more than 140 characters, after aeons of not writing. My ability to write - or inability, more like - scares me, and has ultimately maimed me.

Nevertheless, here's an attempt at a post :) Onwards with the incoherence!

I haven't been taking pictures as promised. This year has got to be the year with the least photos and the very notion sets a sinking feeling going in me. Pictures are memories. Once, I read a quote somewhere along the lines of "we take pictures to permanently contain the past so that we can move on" and couldn't help but agree. Definitely one of my biggest regrets this year.

I have been more distant (from myself and from everyone and everything else) this year compared to the past few. Where was I? I don't know. Ever since I was introduced to the concept of detachment by Alfred, I was bent on imposing it upon my handling of things in my daily doings and I have to say, this - letting go when life gets tough, living in the present moment, never looking more than 3 days ahead, giving when asked, never seeking only acknowledging, going with the flow, etsy etsy etsy - is a thing of both good AND bad and has certainly reduced the weight of matters but at the same time, made me come off as a spacey, lofty-headed person...at times I feel so hollow, so mechanical I want to smack myself in the head and yell out "WAKE UP AND GET IN CONTROL!" but no, I figured this is nothing but the least painful option to live a life. Detached, indifferent.

With that said, this year has also been my loneliest and freest as I made a solemn vow to steer clear of the unnecessary tug-wars of the heartstrings. Almost perfected the art, but I'm still in need of some repair-works now and then when there's a malfunction and I slip into a form of pathetic bereaved longing. Ack.

It's not like I'm a love hater, I believe in love, just not committed relationships. And what's so wrong about being reluctant to commit?

Summing up 2010 was surprisingly easy. One thing's for sure, I can very safely say that drama was reduced to a bare minimum because of my decision in detachment.

That being one thing, senseless ennui being another.

A piece of mind and peace of mind

2010-12-14T19:12:00.002+08:00

The world was turning but it wasn’t turning right.
Like it was spinning on remote control but remotely controllable.

Though I was standing there was no understanding.
And even when I pray, the mind was astray so I asked God,
What’s the name of this game that he plays.

With my left hand clasped to my right,
I screamed silently in my heart with all my might.
Gave the universe a piece of mind and asked for peace of mind.
For I thought I’ve become half the man I used to be
but the fact was, I’ve never been the man I was meant to be.

With realization, reality realized itself.
And my pupils, became pupils.

It took the blind man to teach me love at first sight.
It took the invisible woman to learn to see myself.
It took broken hearts to learn to love whole-heartedly.
It took having nothing to realise I needed nothing.
It took losing my legs to learn how to stand.

Though the company of one became an audience of none,
Being alone wasn’t lonely and love was once again lovely.

As wise men say,
There won’t be a better tomorrow if you can’t move on from today.
So where sadness was the words I sang yesterday,
love is the poetry I choose to write today.

Tomorrow, yesterday & everyday,
I practice my gratitude and work on my attitude.
where presence is a present,
and knowing for certain that the only certainty is uncertainty
and if the universe wills it,
the sun, the wind and even accidents will conspire to make it.

And now we’ve left,
the time where the world was turning but it wasn’t turning right.
In the end, everything is alright.

:: Source ::

woozy

2010-11-05T02:08:00.004+08:00

Often we overlook the thin line between judging someone and disliking someone. Could it be that we judge, hence we dislike?

At which point do we decide to pass that daunting judgment; to simply sum one up and "dislike" someone? Has it occurred to you that you are in no position to sum anybody up, let alone decide that someone is worth disliking? Yes, you have.

Then stop it.

The only reason why you are disliking anybody at all right now is thanks to that smug voice inside of you going "I've got this person all figured out and...naaahh"

Hypocrite.

Only Wish

2010-10-26T23:27:00.002+08:00

Really

2010-10-02T00:29:00.001+08:00

I set out a trap, and you fell into it
I laid out the bait and the animal bit
I conquered the beast, she loved me for it
I set out a trap and she fell into it

I went to her house, she opened the door
She looked at me with pride, she was dirty and pure
It was tempting bait, she watched me commit
She set out a trap and I came to submit

You visit the beast, she causes you pain
She's your enemy, you're covered in stains
You sleep and you eat, you piss and you shit
You conquered the beast, and you will regret it

You will regret but you'll want more of it
You try to come clean but you can't seem to quit
I set out a trap and we fell into it
We will regret it
We will regret

They're obscene, those hard dark eyes
He told me you need advice
One day you'll hear this lullaby
And it will be your turn

Skripchur

2010-09-30T00:49:00.005+08:00

He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest onto his stomach.

By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over.

I am not sad.

As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad.

I am not sad. I am not sad.

Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, in so far as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a littler weaker, but still pumping. and by the mid afternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else.

I am not sad.

Jonathan Safran Foer

We are not idealized wild things.
We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all."

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

kittehh

2010-09-26T18:34:00.003+08:00

Hi.

At this very moment as I am typing this, I'm going insane from a sudden craving for Tiramisu or Strawberry Cheesecake or Crème Brulée or just ANYTHING from Häagen-Dazs.

Arrghhh.

the last time I did a kitteh was here.

Take it and go

2010-09-15T01:42:00.013+08:00

Before I leave here, I want
to hear my name change in the mouth

of another animal.
Let it take long.

He’ll want what I wanted from you—
blood at its richest,

most luminous, in that first moment
it touches the air.

Like the hunted
I need the day’s sharpness—

deeper water,
something alive to sift

through me and kill.
- All Souls Day, Alex Dimitrov

Perhaps a possible explanation to my recent form of subdued / subjugated blogging is of my immense fear of being judged - my words being diced and nitpicked on, my thoughts thought out, myself deduced and scrutinized.

I have the least idea whence this fear first sprouted, nor from when, nor how; but it shouldn't be like that.

This is my blog, my personal space. I didn't set out to get an account just to keel under the pressure from the public eye. This tiny window among the sea of others is just as insignificant and unnoteworthy as any other and the least I could have is the right to write just about anything, however I want to convey it, no matter what the impression it sets forth.

After all, isn't this is my selfish enclosure, and my letters to my future?

Take this as my first step in banishing all people-pleasing thoughts and intentions as I start to look inside and at myself. Also, I'm whipping out my point-and-shoot and putting the pictures into the equation of the decision because, let's face it, IT'S MY BLOG. And well yeah, now that I have no thesis nor assignments to excuse myself from freewriting and now that I have all the fuhreaking time in the world (not really),

I shall write, and I shall shoot, and I shall express.

Your approval is not needed, here's my middle finger to the world.

And now I force feed whoever's reading with some fairly recent photos from my fairly recent BlackBerry:

A random paddlepop sky in random Putrajaya one very random day

A not-so-savoury-looking plate of vegetarian pasta but on the contrary, it tasted simply ambrosial

That's Orianthi, the national animal of Australia. We got free VIPs and she was awesome.

Look what godding did to him.

More randomness to ensue, soon. Mercury is no longer in retrogade and we can all be awesome again!

Do not if you do not.

2010-09-14T00:59:00.003+08:00

People, don't we all do what society bids us to? To their rights and wrongs, their dos and don'ts, their needs and wants.

Perhaps this is why I cut ties and I run, too often a time. I do not want of you what you think I do, I do not want anything but sincerity. And if you could just manage that, along with some tact so as to keep your lips sealed - to keep hearts guarded - to not make me feel bad about things, about myself.

Why do you put yourself in such an awkward position, where all your actions and intentions are transparent? There is no doubt that being selfish is not too much of a bad thing...but too much of not too much of something could be a bad thing, regardless of what you say. Isn't it funny how the only times when you weren't nearly selfish are the times when you, oddly, are the most? Sad to say, sad to hear that inferiority got the best of us. Me then, you now.

And you, who's got yourself so far deep into the reaches of your mind. You, whom I cannot fathom, try as I might. Oh believe me, I really did try and at one point, I darn did convince myself that I've grasped it, grasped you. We built dreams of castles in the sky - plans of skyscraper proportions. But a neutral party got the better of us. A party which concept you have always been fond of. A thing in common, a simile - me then, you now.

Then you, sidestepped, wronged you went blundering forth frolicking, foraging, making, growing, living, learning, loving. You always get there before I do, no matter the weather. Pioneer, initiator you. Creative, artsy fartsy you. Smily, grinny, careless you.

You then, me now.

Regrets and apologies on my part, for I too, am only human.

Now, onwards.

Hello September

2010-09-04T16:00:00.002+08:00

Ok maybe the post below was a lil too dramatic.

Here's a song to contain everything...instead of, y'know, dramatic words.

:)

My compass is broken

2010-08-27T03:57:00.009+08:00

Never nothing but the dream of nothing, never anything but the dream of all.

One day I'm going to look back and tell myself that at age 22, this girl (talentless, ungifted, uninspired and demotivated) has lost faith in most things; that the light in her has - somehow at some points in life - been gradually snuffed into a still, wispy strand of smoke.

I, who was once becoming, am now becoming un.

The future looks terribly bleak from my window, can you see the sparklies from yours?

This is my plea to you, at age 22:

Help me.

Shadow, friend

2010-07-22T20:58:00.007+08:00

He was dreaming again.
He was dreaming that he was brand new. That he wasn’t falling apart. That he had never been disappointed before. That he was nothing but blue shiny sky.
He was dreaming again that his world was one big piece of greatness, and that he had a favourite girl who would always be there for him and never give him hard angry eyes.

-keremmermutlu

Submerged in thoughts, ensconced in armchair.
Sputtering with grief, choking on regrets.

Swimming in a crowded pool, past colonies long linked.
Hand-in-hand in light.
Aware that the unawares, are aware and in truth,
couldn't care, more or less.
Cry she did. Harangued, they sink.

What more can one do, but to avert her eyes.

- soredom, Juyl'10

Throwin' in

2010-07-19T21:56:00.004+08:00

some good stuff.

Life is not by choice.
Things happen to you due to your ties and obligations
and you will just have to go where they take you.
Rise to the occasion.
Eventually you become who you are today
- Not by choice -
from your basic foundations programmed into your head
values?
by influential parties.

It's just...
THE VICIOUS CYCLE.

Transparent (in ent)

2010-07-03T16:16:00.006+08:00

Herro. Been a while eh?

Well that's simply because I simply had nothing really interesting to blog about. Or that I am lazy. And dismissive, by dismissing my laziness and simply saying that I had nothing really interesting to blog about.

Yeah.

But today, today when I have my hair all bunched up like Chun Li,
and my mood has perked up from a 3-day flu-like nasal sore (which stretched on to affect my throat, although I still sounded rather normal - thank goodness for that),
and had just woken up from a 2-hour nap which gave me a series of 6 afternoonmares (not kidding - I keep a dream book and I assure you, I have the most bizarre dreams you can ever imagine);

Today, when I'm feeling pretty content after having spent a decent week running about like a uni student, fervently bent on getting everything sorted out in arrangement with my recent employment in something sorta like a newsagent department (only that I present, not generate content) in a new segment of my life,

I'm feeling extra diligent. Much to your startlement.

There you have it. That's what's been happening.

Or what's important - Oops!

2010-06-20T21:40:00.003+08:00

I keep dreaming about the ocean floor falling in. I can’t step on solid ground, and I dream about people at my window. They stare in and get swallowed by the tides of oil and salt water and darkness. I open my window to yell to them and my foot kicks my blinds and I wake up in the dark at three in the morning and trace the lines in my walls, counting the bricks that keep the heat in.

Things

2010-06-19T00:11:00.010+08:00

It's been a rock and rollin' 4 months or so. The dust has settled, though not clear enough still, to see what's in front of the things right in front of me (or more generally, preferably and fittingly put - things beyond). Things in general, though, have started falling into place. Or berth, a thing I found out today while editing things in a football headline.

Btw I believe the Jabulani is indeed a psycho ball cause it seems to be siding the underdogs. And that its unpredictable faulty trajectory could be caused by the vibes from the vuvuzuelas.

So I learned one thing - that people come and go, but the party must go on, regardless, nevertheless. And another thing - a small, less significant, outlandish department of three equals a larger smoke-filled room - not literally, no of course not. And yes, less smoke.

Don't bother trying to get it. But if you do, I congratulate you for your impressive fathoming skills and we should have a cuppa and a chat-a.

That's the thing.

Hah, metaphors. Did you know that the bull of the idiom thingy in the china shop in reality does not do anything but stand there, all still, china unmoved and unchipped?

I'm digressing. Digressing is a thing in my train of thoughts, I love it. It's...

PROFOUND WHATEVER

I've watched so many movies in the past week, it's making my dream factory go crazy wonky. The other night I dreamt that Chloe (and her amazing boobs) was crazy for Sandy West and they were both speaking Spanish in a hot tub which, you know, is a time machine, which funnels them into Alamut. And Alamut at some places looks so much like Rome - something about them and Cherie and Sarah Marshall prancing around in a love fountain, and next thing you know the whole thing changes and a shooting spree breaks out (and I think I saw Hit Girl somewhere, and Juan Antonio and Cristina and Vicky) in Cell 211. Or was it one of those cells on Shutter Island? Don't know. It was a muddle. But it was very...intriguingly gripping.

Anyilleyhooo, things have become quite orderly although my brain remains scattered. It's the tonnes of things I've been reading and watching. Fleeting images of this and that and whatnot have fueled an imagination so complex, well, my words have thus lost in competition.

THINGS!

Here's food for thought (it was for me on the drive home):

They started out beneath the knowledge tree.
Then they chopped it down to make white picket fences,
And, marching along the railroad tracks,
They smile real wide for the camera lenses.
They made it past the enemy lines
Just to become enslaved in the assembly lines.

Something about the water...

2010-06-02T21:57:00.001+08:00

Things have been good to me, and I am grateful.

Happy birthday to me!

2010-05-30T12:48:00.004+08:00

“The reason death sticks so closely to life isn’t biological necessity— it’s envy. Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can. But life leaps over oblivion lightly, losing only a thing or two of no importance, and gloom is just a passing shadow of a cloud.” - Yann Martel

I love my people yup yup I love my peeps!

Hold on to your teardrops

2010-05-20T23:58:00.004+08:00

You've got a long way to go

Moving through the air, crazy kinda poet kid.

2010-05-19T21:15:00.005+08:00

Spending our days translucent, in and out of everything - hanging out with strangers, that's the way that we began. Spraying our names on the trains in silver and black, then I make my way back across the tracks.

I can always find you wherever you are, there's fire in your eyes in the miracle park.

Staring at the sun, thinking it's the moon - a tiny indication, it's gonna happen soon. But not like you expect these silhouettes are getting closer. They bring you what you need, never what you hope for.

I guess by now they should have told you, they're getting closer.

There's so many things I just don't want to say like, "Have you got the stuff? I need a good day." There's so many things I just don't want to do, but your way is my way so walk on through.

I'm all alone on my own misadventure, seeking something that I don't want to find, cause if I do there's no rewind.

I'm on the very last train to wherever, reckon that I'll see you sometime like never, not even in my wildest did I think that it would go like this.

- telepop

Ultimatum

2010-05-14T14:08:00.010+08:00

Like a waif-like being struggling to impose or hold its existence against a multitude of odds, my mind is being incessantly bludgeoned with speculations of this, that and the other thing.

I'm making it a point to spark a revolution in there.

Clear the decks for a new chapter...I'm talking about an immediate revamp - a reshuffling of order, both in rank and file. Plus maybe a lil bit of beauty for it might work wonders when beauty is near. It must render itself adept at the laws of comprehension vs rational analytic in due time. Awkward situations where miscommunications and misunderstandings (or none at all) happen have become too rampant for my liking.

For we are all creatures made to survive the harshest of conditions and surroundings. It takes more than wit and blabber for the latest hurdle in my track. Time to put Frankie aside and leap to the occasion, I say.

Or not.

Rawr!

Happy Mommies

2010-05-09T15:26:00.005+08:00

Practice does nothing but only exhausts all the spontaneity that I have to give, stop asking me to practise!

Last night was such an amazing night - I loved your gourmet, I loved what you wrote about in your journal, and most importantly I loved how we succeeded in rediscovering each other all over again. The bula bula flipbooks and your name card, thank you. The stacks of cds with the most astonishing of artiste names, from 2pac to tiesto, Dead Can Dance to Bem Sar. The doodles, if there's one thing I enjoy watching anybody do, it's their doodles and sketches and oh didn't you come up with the weirdest of etchings? Perhaps I momentarily lost view of who you really are and saw you for who negativity wants you to appear to be.

For that I am truly sorry.

Lets give this one more shot.

♥

...except to people who don't understand.

2010-04-28T02:21:00.004+08:00

Finally got myself a farmer's tan. There. You happy?
GAH!

Oh hello Mountain View,
could you step forward and say hi so we could embark upon something extraordinary?

Miller Says

2010-04-17T14:24:00.008+08:00

...that April is a pleasant month.
More fun, people, and overall a more enjoyable period. Eerily accurate, I'm feeling tingles down my spine whenever I think of what's to come. Whoa excited!

Btw Bruno Mars is so so so so...

so
so
so
SO
GOOD!

Yes I'm gushing and you rarely catch me gushing. The other time I could remember gushing was for Jason.

*gush gush gush*

The past week has been insane. I'm talkin bout waking up at 0800hrs and being in the outdoors all over Klang Valley and not getting to shower nor rest/nap till at least 2300hrs. Which is good - keeps me busy, and I'm awed by how I successfully managed to keep my head above water for 5 consecutive days chasing honest to goodness Warganegara Malaysias for their smiles. Bless their souls.

You probably have no friggin idea what I'm rambling on about. Nor do you give a flyin fuck for lack of an open, inquisitive mind. But that's cool, it's not that I'm in a good mood or anything, I'm just glad Saturday's here and today could very well be one of those deeply and gladly appreciated/welcomed days.

Today I shall watch Kick-Ass and go for a roller coaster ride(s).

Happy Saturday!

Alrightey!

2010-04-10T18:28:00.003+08:00

Howdy :)

This is weird, but I can't help wondering what caused Jo to retreat so far back into her shell, watching life passing her by as she sits staring at this 14" window to the world. Also, I can't help questioning what she's doing with her life now, and doubting her every move. It might be foolish for me to admit this, but I do miss her xanga days, reason being that her posts are far more careless and carefree. Herself far more eager and trusting. Her world far friendlier and simpler. Things, smilier.

Clearly she's in quite a tangle, and is in need of some...grace.
Or help, or aid, whatever rocks your world.

Thus, I, Jake Swellbelly, hereby plan to bring Jo back from the dead, however painstakingly, whatever it takes, no matter the circumstances, nor pace of the progress.

AaarRRr!!!! Let's start by politely prodding her to resume her photo-taking activities with her compact camera. God knows why she stopped. Prolly intimidated by everyone's DSLRs and photo album-hatching on fb. Poor girl.

Qia (inspired) in the Rain

2010-03-25T02:35:00.003+08:00

What makes you journey into the night
And take flight
on a pursuit of musical bliss?

Chasing beats
through ghetto streets
To a dungeonous temple left by our soul descendants
In a quest for peace, energy and light.

If you were to find this temple,
Do you have the knowledge to enter the temple?

Do you...want it?
And if you had it...would you flaunt it?

Well It’s yours!

There is approaching light
A-flowing, soaring through your world
The fire burns within your heart
And now it’s yours
If you feel it in yourself
I know the light goes through the stars

Acquiring entrance to the temple is hard but fair.
Track through God-forsaken elements
Because the reward is well worth the journey.
Stay steadfast in your pursuit of the light.
The light is knowledge.

You stay true to your quest.

So let the beauty that is the musical universe engulf you.
Recharge your spirit.
Purify your mind.
Touch your soul.
And give you the eternal joy and happiness you truly deserve.

You now have...

The knowledge.

Mamihlapinatapai

2010-03-02T16:17:00.004+08:00

Loneliness is like sitting in an empty room and being aware of the space around you.
It is a condition of separateness.
Solitude is becoming one with the space around you.
It is a condition of union.

Loneliness is small, solitude is large.
Loneliness closes in around you;
solitude expands toward the infinite.

Loneliness has its roots in words, in an internal conversation that nobody answers;
solitude has its roots in the great silence of eternity.

- Kent Nerburn

___________________________________________________________

On the side,

So, guys. I was reading a book about steganography, but I've lost my place.
This is a really good story about antigravity. I can't put it down!
I fucking love this book about bibliophilia.
I started reading the Wikipedia article on gauntlets but stopped when it got too heavy-handed for my tastes.
I was reading the racy memoirs of a Wellington debutante but it made me feel a little sheepish.
I got all wrapped up in a book about bondage.
I wasn't very far into my text on psychological trauma when I had to stop. It hurt too much.
The whole nation is abuzz for the new apiculture guide!

Dawn

2010-02-21T01:50:00.008+08:00

As she angrily struggled to hide the stubborn tears from her father upon taking off yet again into the always awaiting chock full of remote possibilities of what may be and whys and wherefores, she was sure of one thing and one thing only - the next time as those many occurrences encore, things will never, ever be the same, ever again. In a multitude, myriad of ways.

Hits and misses,
ghosts and corpses.

Plenty of times she had made the return journey. Plenty of times she burst into flames. Plenty of times she stumbled upon observant discoveries. Plenty of times she played this foolish game. But this time, as gracefulness and gracelessness were simultaneously felt, the tears they eked out uncalled for, unforgivable. Heartfelt hope and heart, they melt.

It wasn't too bad, what a fool she'd be to start complaining.

Now, would you kindly pass me the salt shaker? It is, but time.

Shangri-la, scream that you're happy
Shangri-la, even if you fall over on a straight path

Remnants Revisited

2010-02-09T03:56:00.007+08:00

Recollections of yesternight indeed. Well, quite.

I spied with my eye as I hover-revolved - occasionally perching - around the throes of mental battle ensuing an excessive sluice of the written as those individuals rendezvoused amidst the city lights underneath a sole, sparkling star. The resounding stillness of the night was left to settle, only haphazardly punctuated by the constant barking of a distant dog.

Black, I imagined.

The rumblings of modern machinery were curiously absent. It could possibly be that its ubiquity has deigned or bowed its head to what is seemingly - or presumably - the oblivious.

No, not oblivion. Surely not.

It was as if time obligingly stood still, defying its very own principle of impatient indifference, forsaking the minute hand - threatening it that if it were to budge even a nanomiliminute, it would be immediately discharged of its duties and the second hand be immediately promoted to play both (very prosaic, imo) roles.

But we all know that the minute hand knew better.

Well well, shame on you Father Time.

Kaleidoscope

2010-02-01T15:35:00.007+08:00

Hexagonal, polygonal?

People...
they see love in a kaleidoscope of ways.
Some give and give - relentlessly, unconditionally.

Wonder for me.

As for me,
love takes form as naturally
as reciprocation, the form
of thankfulness,
of thanksgiving.

I'm a taker and I
appreciate.

I'm a learner and a
subordinate.

And if there is
one thing,
a lesson,
as far as my mind can reason,

The gemlike fragments
tumble and combine
hyperbole, elliptical
topology divine...

may forever be
to me

undefined.

- an idle mind, Febru airy '10

Kitteh

2010-01-29T14:49:00.006+08:00

Hi.

Did you know that an earthworm has 5 hearts? Urgh.

Dictionaries' Stories

2010-01-25T22:17:00.009+08:00

Those little voices, they bring tidings of an impending misery.
Misery, that of which begets woe.
Woe, that of which begets a frailty deep within the corners of my mind.

Writing about the simple, everyday things in life has come to a grinding halt.

Loosely translated, it could possibly mean blogging.
(shrugs) Pah, nomenclature. I bet "translated" doesn't even come close to the right word.

But, I digress.

Instead, those swirling thoughts are either carefully nitpicked to fit in here - nothing too offensive or infuriating, for instance - or stored safely away in the drafts, locked, keys swallowed.

Why?

'Cause of all you pestilent judgmental creatures.
'Cause you can never be too good at what you do.
'Cause love and hate, both sides are conjoined. Physical forms have to deal with both sides of the coin.

All of us were wrong, except for you.

Silly little smart girl.

Eurus

2010-01-19T21:57:00.001+08:00

I enjoyed it.

Potong

2010-01-10T14:06:00.012+08:00

Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share.

My my, what is it, really -
Your inability, miss sully
to abort mission completely?

Your idea,
most childlike
like "dire rear"

Not quite.

I vowed, sorta,
to keep the beasties in check.
In rank and file and order,
to separate train from wreck.

Ergo, darling,
Friend or foe,
Scissor it - shoestrings, ties not bows.

- Anger, Janyuar2010

Fine

2010-01-05T14:50:00.005+08:00

Reporting in on the fifth day of a new decade, for I am but as lazy as always.

How's everybody a-doin'?

Uni life had finally hit a brick wall and broke through it with might and much glory. I am now an aimless and purposeless being grasping around in the dark for the slightest semblance of...sense and gleaming hope and ambition whatnot and the like.

I foresee more updates, seeing that my schedule is in its lightest of states. (That is, if Glee and Californication have unsuccessfully snatched and whisked me away from the outside, sunny outside.)

For now, I want a workstation - for order, in rank and file, to sit up straight and sit back pillared.

Happy 2010!

Effy

2009-12-21T03:32:00.001+08:00

There was a girl who could only live on lemonade. Or her parents were really old and rubbish and just kept giving it to her to the point where she couldn’t have anything else. Or they were really nice and only gave it to her because they really liked her. I can’t decide that bit but she could only live on lemonade. If she didn’t have lemonade, she’d die. And her parents were going to die soon too because they had something wrong with them that their blood was blue or something like that. And she had a brother but he was really stupid, though, no one really cared about him. They just wanted their little girl to live. The only trouble is, no one thought about her brother. She was in a bottle, he was on his own, no one thought about him. They just left him. So he sat by her, her brother, he sat by her in the bottle and ‘cause lemonade helped her eyesight, she could see him really clearly through the sides, even though the grass was as a thick as his skull. And cause it was the countryside, there was nothing for him to eat, nothing for him to buy and he was starving. And she could see that and there was no one looking after him, cause he was a bit stupid, couldn’t really look after himself, and it kept on raining so he was getting a bit rusty. She was having an amazing time with the lemonade but she knew she had to help him, so she swam to the surface but she couldn’t get out, it was too far away, this bottle was too big. She knew she had to do something, he was getting worse and worse and worse and he was really hungry and thirsty and he started eating glass and puking up all the time. So she tried to think of some plan for him but she couldn’t. All she knew is that he needed her with him. All she could do was watch him puke his guts up on the other side of the glass. But then bingo, she knew. She started to drink and she drank and she drank and she drank. And this was a lot of lemonade, enough to last her till she died, cause her parents wanted her to live for ages but she drank, every last drop, until she was in an empty bottle but that was no good, she still couldn’t get out. But that was okay, because she just waited until she had a big one stored up. Because she drank all the pop, she drank all the lemonade. And then she started to fart. It was slow at first but then it was really loud and hard. She blew her way out of the bottle, straight from the top, like a rocket. Then she stopped her brother eating grass and they went and found a nice little house to live in together, her and her brother. And it turned out drinking all that lemonade had cured her because she never wanted it again. She had orange for the rest of her life.

Perception

2009-12-07T19:24:00.001+08:00

Something to think about….

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

The questions raised:

*In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

*Do we stop to appreciate it?

*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.

How many other things are we missing?

Aaand this is why I have been MIA

2009-11-30T03:50:00.002+08:00

Click on image to enlarge?

Cognizance

2009-10-25T14:42:00.008+08:00

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter’s night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman’s ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?

100 Beautifuls

2009-10-25T02:20:00.005+08:00

Ailurophile A cat-lover.
Assemblage A gathering.
Becoming Attractive.
Beleaguer To exhaust with attacks.
Brood To think alone.
Bucolic In a lovely rural setting.
Bungalow A small, cozy cottage.
Chatoyant Like a cat’s eye.
Comely Attractive.
Conflate To blend together.
Cynosure A focal point of admiration.
Dalliance A brief love affair.
Demesne Dominion, territory.
Demure Shy and reserved.
Denouement The resolution of a mystery.
Desuetude Disuse.
Desultory Slow, sluggish.
Diaphanous Filmy.
Dissemble Deceive.
Dulcet Sweet, sugary.
Ebullience Bubbling enthusiasm.
Effervescent Bubbly.
Efflorescence Flowering, blooming.
Elision Dropping a sound or syllable in a word.
Elixir A good potion.
Eloquence Beauty and persuasion in speech.
Embrocation Rubbing on a lotion.
Emollient A softener.
Ephemeral Short-lived.
Epiphany A sudden revelation.
Erstwhile At one time, for a time.
Ethereal Gaseous, invisible but detectable.
Evanescent Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time.
Evocative Suggestive.
Fetching Pretty.
Felicity Pleasantness.
Forbearance Withholding response to provocation.
Fugacious Fleeting.
Furtive Shifty, sneaky.
Gambol To skip or leap about joyfully.
Glamour Beauty.
Gossamer The finest piece of thread, a spider’s silk.
Halcyon Happy, sunny, care-free.
Harbinger Messenger with news of the future.
Imbrication Overlapping and forming a regular pattern.
Imbroglio An altercation or complicated situation.
Imbue To infuse, instill.
Incipient Beginning, in an early stage.
Ineffable Unutterable, inexpressible.
Ingénue A naïve young woman.
Inglenook A cozy nook by the hearth.
Insouciance Blithe nonchalance.
Inure To become jaded.
Labyrinthine Twisting and turning.
Lagniappe A special kind of gift.
Lagoon A small gulf or inlet.
Languor Listlessness, inactivity.
Lassitude Weariness, listlessness.
Leisure Free time.
Lilt To move musically or lively.
Lissome Slender and graceful.
Lithe Slender and flexible.
Love Deep affection.
Mellifluous Sweet sounding.
Moiety One of two equal parts.
Mondegreen A slip of the ear.
Murmurous Murmuring.
Nemesis An unconquerable archenemy.
Offing The sea between the horizon and the offshore.
Onomatopoeia A word that sounds like its meaning.
Opulent Lush, luxuriant.
Palimpsest A manuscript written over earlier ones.
Panacea A solution for all problems
Panoply A complete set.
Pastiche An art work combining materials from various sources.
Penumbra A half-shadow.
Petrichor The smell of earth after rain.
Plethora A large quantity.
Propinquity An inclination.
Pyrrhic Successful with heavy losses.
Quintessential Most essential.
Ratatouille A spicy French stew.
Ravel To knit or unknit.
Redolent Fragrant.
Riparian By the bank of a stream.
Ripple A very small wave.
Scintilla A spark or very small thing.
Sempiternal Eternal.
Seraglio Rich, luxurious oriental palace or harem.
Serendipity Finding something nice while looking for something else.
Summery Light, delicate or warm and sunny.
Sumptuous Lush, luxurious.
Surreptitious Secretive, sneaky.
Susquehanna A river in Pennsylvania.
Susurrous Whispering, hissing.
Talisman A good luck charm.
Tintinnabulation Tinkling.
Umbrella Protection from sun or rain.
Untoward Unseemly, inappropriate.
Vestigial In trace amounts.
Wafture Waving.
Wherewithal The means.
Woebegone Sorrowful, downcast.

The grayness is the hopelessness.

You are the only person that’s made for you, and until you understand that person, until you know them intimately, on every level, from where they’ve come from to where they’re going, until you know their values and their dreams and their dreads, you can’t really be said to love anyone else. Love is the recognition and reflection of your highest values in another, and until you recognise them in yourself, until you become the whole you’re supposed to be, you certainly won’t find them in anyone else.

All that said, people come into our lives for a reason, and it’s up to us to discover that reason, experience it to its fullest, learn from it the hardest way we can. If it’s love it should bleed a little, it should hurt as much as it heals, it should leaves bumps and bruises and scars. And of course when they leave it’s in our nature to yearn after the happiness that we had, rather than being thankful that we had it at all and looking forward to being happy today, and every today to follow, regardless of who we might be sharing it with. You can fall in love multiple times due in large part to your own growth and changing values, and discovering them reflected in others throughout your life - the clinch of course being that sometimes you grow in a different direction and fall out of love, or they do, or you both do.

There is nothing worse than a love of habit or a love of convenience, like two crutches standing only by virtue of one supporting the other, and neither capable of standing on its own.

Plane

2009-10-12T15:38:00.005+08:00

Trivial matters of the heart, mind and senses.
Look away, look beyond.
Transcend the limits of this song.

Groove to the beat of your own drum.

Now that we've realised that friends are disposable, now that we know nothing is really in ruins if we have company in those ruins with us, now that you dismiss advice because hope shines on you,

Be gone.

Good riddance.

Inspiracie

2009-10-06T20:23:00.002+08:00

So, let's take it from the top.
No, the middle. The middle is where it starts getting good.

Sitting, we were sitting.
Yes, I'm starting to remember again, the birds and the sun.

It was just me and me, and we were the two happiest people in the world.
Or at least that part of town.

Then we skip the next part, when I'm alone.
Because that part was cold and rough.

And we're back together again, my right side and left.
Everybody feels this way, i just took it one step further.
She's everything I'm not, I'm everything she isn't.

Both of us are

I

- vacuus vox

Blame Game

2009-10-04T20:02:00.005+08:00

You’re walking barefoot on burning flame
All because you won’t bear the blame
You don’t need to explain
How you’re going through this ordain

I see your wounds, I call your name
You’re caught out in the storming rain

Alone by yourself, shouldering all in vain
All because of this senseless game
A game of life, of deceit, of shame

Don’t allow yourself to be maimed
It's driving you and I insane
Dancing in the shadows again
The stars are what we aim
But misery is for all to gain

What's left of our love is this stubborn stain
Through bargains and complains

Now there's an infinite final restrain
my poignant, beautiful madame...

- Boredom, Oktober09

Snap outta it

2009-10-04T14:54:00.003+08:00

The world can get pretty lonely sometimes...amidst all the buzz and chatter. I found myself sitting in a crowded room with no absolute interest in anything, I knew why I was feeling as such, my mind told me to get out of there, but I forced it all - mind, body and soul - to stay on, that maybe, good things could happen.

Who was I fooling? Staying on only brought me to tears.

What I need the most right now, is the courage to face my responsibilities and priorities. Such big words. I hate feeling bad and going on ugly guilt trips for not living up to expectations - everyone's, and most crucially, my own. If only I could just fulfill the promises, vows, and mental notes I make to myself as a first step. Why tell myself that I'm having fun when I have all this pressing thoughts at the back of my head?

asdf;lkj

2009-09-23T16:07:00.006+08:00

The internet has been nothing but a bitch to me lately. That was a lame excuse.

I make mental notes about the randomest of things, even twitter doesn't cut it sometimes. That's because said mental notes are unbelievably delicate - especially ones in the shower. I think my mental notes are worthy of your epiphanies cause they are amazingly brilliant...but horribly flimsy. There have been countless times that I've helplessly lost my grasp on them and it pains me oh so badly. I should start acting upon dedicating myself unto preserving these "epiphanies" and archive them. And maybe I could then gain a better understanding towards...uh, the universe.

Lately I've been high on a lot of things. To sum them up, I could say that I have been high on life. It's got to stop though. Too much of anything is never a good thing. Like sugar. And water. And the internet. Blah.

I shall now contradict myself. Because too much of anything will render anyone to addiction. Because too much of anything will result in quite an abysmal hollow if you yanked it away. Because I am annoying like that.

How about immersing and entwining myself in culture? Yes, why not? Tis much better than life.
*blows snot bubbles*

Remnants

2009-09-12T10:08:00.002+08:00

What was it that I felt? What can I make of these recollections of yesternight?

I remember two people lying side by side.
I remember the throes of mental battle.
I remember a resistance to fight.
I remember admiring the bella luna.

It felt happy. It felt like two people meeting each other after an eternity of wayward bounding. As though someone spiked the drinks with euphoria. As though something was telling me

"I could do this."

No

2009-09-07T01:21:00.005+08:00

Do you have any inkling of an idea how catastrophic the change was? I do not want to sound angry for I do not intend to be. Not ever. I cannot risk you or anyone walking out of my life again. Looks like that is not going to happen, with my oddity. Who could tolerate this nonsense? You? For a year?

I know I am odd and if only, just, if only, there could be someone out there who could actually grasp this odd being and love her for her oddness.

These are words from the heart, though I try not to get too personal when I'm blogging - with all the good that it might do to this already heavy heart-bearing cage-like enclosure.

I cannot do this. What happened to me was incredibly unfair as though fate was out to spite me. It is also incredibly unfair that I do not seem to be blaming myself. So blame myself I shall. Seeing that we cannot reverse time, I am forever marred by this. By you. You shall not bring all this upon me again. No. Henceforth I shall say no.

I might regret this, I might not. Our paths diverge. You are meant for the road to greatness. We all know this.

I'll just...try to be content with the nobody that I am. For I am and will always be...

A nobody.

The bars weigh in weight while we wait in vain

2009-09-03T20:51:00.006+08:00

Frequently regarding every tragedy as a lesson learned, we build cages from bars of might more magnificent than that of adamantium. For every misfortune, for each blow, we establish a bar. Figuratively speaking, we regard each and every bar as an experience and we put them up, telling ourselves, "never again, my dear. For you are too fragile, too weak. Now here's a bar to remind you."

As life goes, it gets harder and harder to penetrate this cage. How many bars have you collected? My cage is heavy now.

Have you learned your lessons?

I know I haven't.

Care?

2009-08-25T21:48:00.004+08:00

While you weren't listening, our songs became sad songs.

Shar was walking home from the grocer's one day when this monkey jumped out of the blue and stopped her in her tracks. Everyone remained indifferent despite her freaking out. She thought that it must have been her imagination so she resumed walking home. And got crazy shit schizophrenia the next few days. Tsk tsk.

Friday in apathy

2009-08-14T14:47:00.006+08:00

Because I made it so. Volition.

The house is complete to me again for one ~~more~~ final semester. I dare not speculate what lies beyond. I awoke this morning and told myself that I am not ready. The lights were on for a little while as I attempted to commit a conscious murder or two. I did. One. And left the second one I saw to roam till its golden days. Which should be about now. I think.

I have to figure out more ingenious ways into plotting such genocide in such grandeur.

Presently awed (again) with how much we fail to keep in mind the systematic habitual actions put into action subconsciously absentmindedly every moment.

I stretch
I yawn
I blink
I kill

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a side note:

I'm not going.
Waste, much?

Obseshn

2009-08-07T23:15:00.005+08:00

I know I know I promise I'll try not to post anymore Youtubey stuff but lately I've been crazy about Florence +The Machine cause she just be grandly awesome and her album is fantabulously good and this song especially have been stuck in my head ever since I got my hands on her album and it thrills me to know that the video gives me happy goosebumps I lalalove everything about the video and somehow it makes me feel like keeping my long hair.

*exhales.

Now, enjoy :)

♥

Listen > Look

2009-08-06T16:54:00.005+08:00

Down with the flu and seized by the collar by this inane notion of keeping mum about my inactivity. Lets revel in yet another dosage of my Youtube favs shall we?

I assure you they're all worthy of tangibility. This acapella group awed me to great lengths today. Talk about a 'pick me up'. Muchos gracias to mitdoq.

Now, get me a boyfriend who can play and sing this to me and I might just put off my suicide plans for another lifetime.

You are an illuminating anchor
Of leagues to infinite number
Crashing waves and breaking thunder
Tiding the ebb and flows of hunger
You're dancing naked there for me
You expose all memory
You make the most of boundary
You're the ghost of royalty imposing love
You are the queen and king combining everything
Intertwining like a ring around the finger of a girl
I'm just a singer, you're the world
All I can bring ya
Is the language of a lover
Bella luna, my beautiful beautiful moon
How you swoon me like no other

Know Now

2009-07-29T11:32:00.004+08:00

To feel selfish, to be selfish, and to be venerated and revered by fools who choose to surround, choose to respect, to be kind, a friend.

There will never come a time when she awakes from her dazed enchantment to realise that it is, after all, not worth her while. She has had too many past disillusionments to be letting go of this one gleaming, shiny piece of what is seemingly to her, beauty.

Rooting to this spot, saying yes and no, because no one, not even her, can impose force, it is already proven and known.

What might be unforeseen, is that the other side dabbles in human behavior as well. Not like that will pose as a predicament, seeing that true love is slightly or approximately 6400 kilometres or a phone call away. Not a problem.

Unassuming Sam

2009-07-28T17:07:00.007+08:00

Not much is known about Sam. They think they know him.

He spends his day at work, enjoying cheap perks such as the occasional hot babe of the day award, which, we shall assume, is judged, rated, and ranked in that little space in between his ears and at the back of his eye balls. The rankings change as each day goes by. Or so we assume. Sam retires from work at the end of the day and retreats to a small dinner and then the confines of his humid room. End of yet another mediocrity. Which beckons for the next. And the next. Or so we assume.

Simplicity.
Brevity.
Sam.

Until one fateful day. That fateful day. A flurry of emotions. Chitchat torrents. Warm, cosy silence. Suddenly he felt that maybe, they're letting him in. They're letting him belong. He feels belonged.

Perhaps not much is known to Sam.

RIP Yasmin Ahmad

2009-07-26T00:34:00.018+08:00

This post is written with pure dedication and tribute to the one who has deeply moved and inspired me throughout my teenage years with all the touching PETRONAS Merdeka, Chinese New Year, Raya, and Deepavali Ads - some which made my eyes well up with tears - and her words and ideals. The director of Sepet and other great Malaysian movies (Rabun, Gubra, etc.) - a liberal Malaysian, consistent with the Malaysian spirit and theme in efforts of uniting Malaysia in all her works surpassing that of a film maker or producer. One of the few Malaysians whom I look up to.

1958 - 2009

How much tragedy can one contain? In about a month we witnessed the death of Michael Jackson, Walter Cronkite, etc; the Jakarta bombings, not to forget the Swine Flu pandemic, and now, Yasmin Ahmad.

Today isn't a good day at all. Disappointments liberally strewn and to think that she passed while I was probably driving home alone on the Federal Highway thinking of how pathetic my life is after losing 4 rounds at pool, multiple rounds at Bishi Bashi, failing to redeem my Clinique goodie bags, missing out on grabbing tickets to Public Enemies, forsaking dinner and the money that I paid cause the food was shite, and chugging beer alone to replace missing Bubba. And upon reaching home and switching on the PC while contemplating on appearing offline on both MSN and Facebook so as to avoid 'publicly' appearing as a loser for being home, alone on a Saturday night, this news.

I had to blog about this. I just had to. Prose and cohesiveness aside. Inferiority aside.

I am sad, and I mourn, not only for the fact that Malaysia has lost such an important figure who plays a role in its film and advertising industry, but also for her efforts in encouraging by showing and eventually embedding in us what Bangsa Malaysia means. Forgive me for sounding a tad foolish but I have always wanted to meet her in person. This is how much she means to me though my existence might not be known to her. RIP.

Of such colloquial deluge

2009-07-24T10:28:00.005+08:00

So two nights ago I was lying in bed reading the latest book I've managed to get my hands and eyes on and my mind too when I totally snoozed in the midst of the part where the judge was so irritated by Bose and I was deeply ensconced in the notion of how beautiful Desai's writing is though it does get boring but I know it's boring to me only because I have to read it ever so slowly to let the imagery sink in and I never believed in speed reading anyway to begin with and so this brings us back to two nights ago when I abruptly fell into that abysmal stupor and left the lights open and the rest was all only known to the unconscious mind and then that dream started out as a dream I could still remember vividly about that pool among the trees in the crimson setting of the setting sun as those airborne rainbow-like droplets gracefully but hurriedly left his fingertips and landed onto the surface forming alphabets to my name oh such amorous expressions can only be dreamt and thats what dreams are for but unmistakeably the dream stretched itself out into a nightmare about her always lurking in the backdrop assuming the role of utter jealousy and come to think of it it was her whom I've never even talked to but despised from afar during those high school days only because I have always known that she's a slart so anyway she was there lurking again during a merrily-lit sophisticated dinner that of profound postures and bows and plushness and she had the CHEEK to come up and take my wine glass on the table which had sparkly water and not luscious wine in it and said something along the lines of "look at me" in hopes of me looking up at her but I didn't and she went on and splashed the contents at me anyway and I was so pissed I bet I was sleep-cursing with furrowed eyebrows yes the one I always seem to have on but most of the time it's not irritation but just basal structure so yes before she was about to leave after that atrocity I grabbed her by her arm and gave her a piece of my mind before that hamagad slap to her disgustingly pustular face and I woke up at 5 in such anger that I immediately told myself off about how waking up angry is not the way to go so I went back to sleep and resumed the day only to fall asleep relatively early again the next night and this time I woke up at 4 and my eyes were WIDE OPEN in the dark and although there weren't any dreams this time but I couldn't help but to wonder why I keep waking up at those odd hours and it pissed me off that the alarm clock gets to take a holiday and didn't serve its purpose in waking me up and allowing me to push the snooze button you know how much pleasure one gets from pushing the snooze button argh so irritated!

So yeah, can anybody explain this trouble sleeping scenario dilemma to me?

Stop Shoot

2009-07-23T15:33:00.007+08:00

Did you fall in love with these videos like I did? ♥

2sen

2009-07-17T13:01:00.013+08:00

Just make sure that you're feeling good! very soon, it'll be over, you'll be free!

The "underdogs" rarely get credit, BUT, you are the only one that can defend the rationale behind it all.

You'll be fineeee sweetness. Just make sure you keep your head on straight and if you need to vent or talk, call an amigo :)

If you feel they're raping you of your creativity, do as much as you can and take a break, then come back to it.
But don't give up
Keep at it, keep working at it and better yet don't lose any motivation you have.

Remember you've spent 3 years or more working your butt off in uni learning about this so put it to some practical use. Comprende?

I can sense the passion you have in this field, if not you wouldn't be complaining about it. But just if you need to let off some steam just do it.

aint nobawdy gawna judge

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Such words. Deeply appreciated. Thankies coco.

I have yet to play a game of chess with myself. Assuming the role of one opponent as I detach myself from the other for each turn. It'll be nais.

Now, how about making music from raindrops?

Spoilers and revelations

2009-07-14T13:59:00.007+08:00

Ignoring the latest heartbreak ever to mar my already broken life, I shall ramble about the little nothings that didn't fail to perk it up. All of us have one or two...or three or more.

This has been innocently sitting at bookstores, successfully begging for my attention, for I was not attracted to any of its companions, as though I am meant to read it.

I devoured it in two nights (Oh what am I going to do now, run to the bookstore again?) and although I have yet to form any concrete review about it, I have to admit - it was a brilliantly crafted read. Trust the Man Bookers yo, I am officially in love with Pi and Balram. I enjoy the twistedness of it all, for happy endings never quite satisfy me, I must confess. Never a dull page. Though reviewers may compare it to matters of a grander societal/economic/blahblah magnitude, all this book to me was just this: I love the cynicism and how hate and love is, ironically, basal in everything. That is true though many of us fail to come to terms with it. It tells of hard-earned (ha!) success and proves again how fortune does favour the brave. This munna doesn't give a damn about being a badass. Kill your employer and condemn all your family and maybe you might just end up like the white tiger. I imagined-understood in this little space in between my ears that this chandelier fanatic also owes his success to what may seem - to me - like his epiphanies and observations. Philosophies? I admire him for that. And his wit, oh his wit is what I'd like to own! Letters to Mr. Jiabao. Daring (thus sardonic) ones. If only...

Life is peculiar as such. Sometimes I wonder if it is all luck and fate entwined. There are those who strive like this Balram here but never succeeded. But we all know that's lazy talk.

I don't.

Have a good day and omg it's only Tuesday...but then again what do I have to look forward to in the weekends? She who is seemingly suffering from mid-life crisis? What a fucking joke.

Austie Swan

2009-07-13T10:59:00.006+08:00

Her fingers flowed with grace and unerring ease as she worked that chestnut of a grand. Tsatsa, of all people.
'Austie Swan,' she said.
I remember those intricate wordings etched onto that facade almost perfectly in gold.
'The best there is. Crunchy yet delicate. Come duet with me and see what I mean.'

Duets. It has been so long since a duet. Two pairs of hands synchronized in a way of cosmic understanding. I have yet to fathom that. But it sounded all the more magical and perhaps it is matters like this that do not require much understanding. Oh the gladness and smiles. Do we have to know everything to live this life? Do we need meaning? Do we need this clear conscience as guidance? What is guidance anyway and why do we bestow so much faith in guidance? Some might say God and religion but I do not want to digress...

Is it even right to voice this out in public? I don't know. I don't know much anymore to begin with. For all I know is that I'm just desperately grasping for something in the dark, still, after all these years. This morning came at me quite like a bucket of cold water splashed onto the face of a sleeper. Unprovoked. Innocent. Intrusive..offensive.

Forcing me to open my eyes and...wake up. Perhaps, actions need be taken to save one's self from all this injustice that is uncalled for. Being aware of the hardships and risks that follow only makes it all the more painful. But they say fortune favours the brave so let me get paid. I did not expect those hurtful words to be hurled at me from such a figure that is popularly tantamount to that of benevolence and unconditional love. My life thus far may be pockmarked with potholes but bear in mind, you were the biggest of them all. Need I say more?

July-ly-ly

2009-07-03T09:50:00.017+08:00

Helloooo it's Friday!

Heh. Working has transformed me into an eager, thankful person as the weekend approaches. And given me less dark circles and more fat. meh.

Drove to work in the company of Jamiroquai today and it was nothing at all but pleasant. Anyhoo, without much further ado, since I have nothing much to say today and I do not want to speak too soon about the things I would want to say, check out these photos shot at the Bahamas. I'm intrigued by the feelings that are stirred in me as I look at them. It makes me dream beautiful things.

More here by Elena Kalis.

Also and btw, Koop is awesome baybeee!

Finaly, I knew this song is worth any happy amazing video. Loves.

Have a pleasant day ya'll.
x

Scarcity

2009-06-29T12:10:00.010+08:00

leads to an infinite silence in my head.

It has to stop, for before I'll realise, I would have been muted, repressed and muzzled. Feelings have been intense lately. I guess, perceptions of yourself are generated by how you present yourself. And right now, presenting one's self has been immensely confusing. Struggling to prove someone wrong and change one's mind requires a lot of patience on your part, and willingness on theirs. For if they do not allow you the chance to even speak, or if they bat down every notion you're trying to say in the likes of swatting a fly before you could even finish, then there is no chance to prove yourself. Actions? I'd like to see you try.

Seeing that the chance might have been possibly lost, all I have to say is this: You think you got a lot coming don't you? And you think I'm stupid don't you? You think you know me huh? Well there's a lot more to this girl that even the world does not know. I don't know why I'm doing this but I guess the reason might be because you remind me so much of him. And what strikes most similar, is both of your inabilities in saying goodbyes.

So goodbye. At least I could say it. There.

nonsenseschmonsense
aboutsmokingupand
buildingdreamsand
victories.
Ihaveachieved
leapsandboundsmore
thanyouhave
atyourage
soit'sprettyflattering
forme
ifyouthinkIknownothing.

Stupid.

Syndrome

2009-06-23T16:04:00.013+08:00

Recently there has been much ado about an obsession and a depression. Let's talk about the depression later, though, in my apparent attempt in saving this woeful woebegone blog from being a gloomy whiny one. I know I am whiny, shut up already.

Presently a media student, always immersed and submerged in a media world, I cannot deny the power and influence of the media (advertising and all). Sometimes I wonder if this is all a Truman show kinda experiment and sometimes I imagine this life quite like that of Diana Wynne Jones' book. No, not the parallel universes, although that intrigues me just as much..but we're not talking about parallel universes today, we're paying attention to those ambiguous (not?) powers sitting up on that high chair (the media) up there looking down on our everyday lives as though it's a game (in truman's case, a reality show, a form of entertainment. Tomato tomahto, you get the drift anyway).

Oh, great altar of passive entertainment... Bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible! - Calvin, Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons.

Can I safely say that all of us are, in a lot of ways, governed by the media, whichever we choose to expose ourselves to? The magnitude of the media is now immeasurable, I mean, come on, there's the traditional stuff, and now the new media. I recall a major part of my life spent sitting in front of this machine computer as if it's all cool - ICQ, IRC, MSN, Friendster, Facebook, blogging, twitter...

It's freaking outwardly for the love of godliness scary.

What's scarier is all this pop culture and trends and fads and the Hollywood mean machine we devour and turn ourselves into. We need to be aware that most of our decisions, beliefs and values are based on what we know for a fact, our assumptions and our own experience. In our work we usually know what we have to do based on our experience and studies, however on our daily lives we rely on the media to get the current news and facts about what is important and what we should be aware of.

Individuality is now only a door away from normality. There's nothing much too shockingly different these days - if it is, then it's called a mental illness. Public opinions, perceptions, decision-making, etc are all formed by our exposure to the media.

I think that we have created a new kind of person in a way. We have created a child who will be so exposed to the media that he will be lost to his parents by the time he is 12. So says David Bowie.

But? I know i know, some people are doing the Madonna and banning the TV from their kids and people are carefully choosing their media and this is an already stale realization. But the fact remains that media (whatever media) is what ~~forms~~ clouds our public opinion and we can never escape from it. And writing this now does not mean that it's just dawned upon me, I was just too immensely bored in the office :) don't be stupid. I can't help wondering though - we are all born different for a reason and why is it that we struggle to do the same things so as to 'fit in'? Wearing the same trends, liking the same music, defining what beauty is and having a religion, off the top of my head. Heck! We get obsessed with celebrities (Yes, Barack Obama is one) and now they're going to be teaching Celebrity Studies in schools very soon. Redundant much?

Please don't waste your breath in denying all of that. We can never be too different in order to be deemed normal. And if you're not deemed normal, you'll belong to the condemned psych ward...or just be condemned ;)

I swear, if I was granted a chance to be the evillest of beings and not get punished for the consequences / repercussions, I would take a new born child and keep him sheltered away from all forms of media (even humans, if that's what it will take) and suddenly open his doors to the world on his 21st birthday and see how he's going to accept and adapt to 20 missing years of media effects in this world. Of course, food will be provided and languages taught. Just a pondering, lots of things to be executed to successfully carry out this plan, it's not going to happen don't worry. Back to the point, I would honestly like to know, as twisted as it may sound.

Now sue me, burn me alive, stone me, strap me to Old Sparky. I plead not guilty. Words, though...need not be translated into action for this is asking too much. Said plans are not possibly executable. There is no such thing as to being a smart media consumer, and there is no need for me to bring forth the multiple media theories that could be applied. We are, after all, only humans. This is just baseless rambling just so we know. I am just helplessly aware and prepared to see this world spiral into further complications.

Come One Come All Into Nineteen Eighty-four.

I will therefore celebrate my peculiarity and not stargaze and not be obsessed about fame...fortune, though, has to wait, for I am not done chasing it. teehee.

15 Minutes

2009-06-21T17:38:00.009+08:00

Space to Complain

2009-06-19T13:52:00.005+08:00

It does NOT matter if this blog is bland amateur unsubstantial blardeeblah because this is my space! (hmm..myspace -_-) and I canhazcomplains and rants and blabber however I want it irregardless of how it is writ..er...typed. Yes. So boo you!

Oh my, I have been updating my blog pretty frequently now haven't I? Only because I have no life. I have indeed sold my soul to the workosphere (that's how I like to call it so you diam. Boy have I had it with nomenclature!) shamelessly and desperately. And cheaply. Life at work isn't all fluffy fun as I have expected it to be...mmhmm, no. I wonder what in the sdfsdkfhowe was in my mind when I chose this path back in those days. I thought advertising was the shit and the world represents the flies. Little did I know...oh woe is me.

So regrets...a few.

Many, in fact. Argh.

I wonder how life would have been like should I have taken the alternative routes. Come to think of it, I would have sucked just as much. Heh. Jack of all trades, master of none. Si senior! I'm no good. No good at all. I be useless. *kicks myself* It is not pleasant to look up to the everyday heroes in our lives and wonder how they pull through. Awfully bitter, even. I guess the secret ingredient is hard work and less complains, which I think I still lack.

Ah wtf. How do I even convey this muddle coherently?! I can't even write for nuts!

I greatly harbour the hope of success in life, however it is becoming almost impossible to grasp. They say that you must first love what you do but why am I not even liking anything in the present?! It seems like the word "Apathy" has become synonymous to my interests. Letting loose has become so alien, it's only a term utilized to describe the doings of others. As much as I want to keep things in check and to know that I am in control, they aren't so pretty on the inside are they? Am I not meant to soar? Is it an offense to call for what I want? Is this the anticlimax for my life? Cause if it is, I would curse fate and its every determining force in multiple grotesque ways for I am not done discovering the many wonders life has to give (or so they claim) and I have not had much fun at all for the past living years! Damn it.

Just let me continue playing in my little bubble, it doesn't even take up much space in this world. Go ahead, go on living your life and doing what you do, however impressive they may be. Just don't come my way and burst my bubble and laugh in my face and take off. Same thing applies to those with intentions to inflate this bubble and make me happy. No, I do not want change. I refuse to budge. I do not want to wake up and smell the stench of coffee. Oh how I hate you. How I effin hate you, you detrimental thing.

Custardlike

2009-06-18T16:32:00.003+08:00

Hector

2009-06-16T22:28:00.005+08:00

INTERNSHIP

The Invisible

2009-06-15T01:08:00.007+08:00

This is the part where it's supposed to go uphill, smiles all the way, sunshiney day, filled with everything gay. What with the semester finally finished and done with and tiny bursts of triumphs in the wrapping up process. But things don't seem so bright now. Tens of thousands of things are buzzing in my mind and I find myself not being able to fall asleep, despite internship in less than 12hours. Well well well, guess that's what's keeping me up eh? All this pent up nervousness and excitement. Plus, the dinner earlier was pretty heavy, but great, nonetheless.

Amimi is now in the hands/company of someone else and I can't help but to feel this load of emptiness enshrouding me as I think of the days ahead. I don't see myself anywhere but doing the routine wakeup-work-sleep for the next two months and it is but miserable and depressing. I've had a pretty good semester this time, amidst the tiny bleeps and glitches. Somehow I have grown very very cozy to the company I have...the Bubba107ers. I doubt my grades will drop although I do admit to having a bit more fun this sem. And I am thankful.

Almost There

2009-06-07T04:32:00.011+08:00

Hi all. :)

I'm still busy. Last week might just be the toughest week of the year thus far. Exams and assignments worked together in an attempt to smother and bring me down but I'm glad to say I've endured and did pretty well in kicking Exam's sorry ass and owning them nasty assignments. :D

Just ... 4 more days and I will be able to finally breathe. Phew. Mayjah looking forward to, this.

Internship's also commencing in 2 weeks' time and I wonder why I'm feeling nervous about the very idea of it. Also, the AmyTan will be coming to stay for 2 days next weekend and we are going to shop shop shop! ♥ Awesomeness.

And btw, I can't help but to keep feeling foolish for seeing you in such light.
There's no way anyone of us is getting there so go ahead enjoy your fame.
I'll just sit here and do my thing while you're at it.
Maybe I'll try to forget you in that process.

<3, Bubba & mae

Way Out

2009-06-02T02:34:00.002+08:00

You have to be always drunk. That’s all there is to it—it’s the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk.

But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be drunk.

And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again, drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is singing, everything that is speaking…ask what time it is and wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you: “It is time to be drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish.”

—Charles Baudelaire

[crossposted]

The May 30 Post

2009-05-29T20:53:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when we start doing something, and do a lot of it...Sometimes when we fall into routine and get to a point where we forget why and what we are doing. I think it is important to have time to regroup, re-balance, re-energize and get re-inspired. So we can continue to head down the path, with the purest and clearest intentions.

Looking back, the first half of the year thus far has been nothing but eventful, filled with trying circumstances, broke times, happy times, high times, moments when I felt like giving up, a rascal of a terrier, good food, late nights, orsomm music, and especially, good company (I love you, all of you) and the list will go on if I do not stop myself.

On May 30, I will turn 21. This year marks not only my becoming of age, it also marks the year of my graduation, my first experience as I delve further into the world of ads and communications. It marks that I have lived and loved, got my heartbroken and unbroken, solved a few life questions, and experimented with a multitude of influences.

For the past years that have simply slipped away, I have met individuals of sorts, I learned the spirit of competition, I discovered friendship, I have been in love, I know loss, I learned what it was like to stand on my own two feet, I looked around and found how important character is, and what is ethical, and I have discovered how living in the moment can make times so much easier. I have felt compassion and anger, love and hatred, jealousy at its worst and empty loneliness, trust and betrayal...and best of all, I ate an assorted array of good food. lol.

*thumbs up*

Days ago, a friend stated to me that, "You know you're getting old when all the hot babes (and doods) that you wanted to pick up are way younger than you are". ouch. True, that. Life can be somewhat comical, and I know that in everything we do, we must never forget fun. For it is fundamental.

This is the year I take off...in (I bet) far more tedious endeavors in life, as it continues to batter me and leave memorable scars. Or should I say, as it continues to mould me into whatever that I will become, come what may.

I am always grateful for what I am...being here in this scorchingly hot room typing this out, surrounded by all the people who care. As I turn 21, I thank noone but my parents, for forever guiding me, lighting the path...and most crucially, for bringing me into this wonderful world.

With all that said, I celebrate this momentus memorial day in honor of myself - former and the later. I celebrate the journey thus far with little to no regrets, and ultimately,

I celebrate life.

Diarrhea

2009-05-15T21:42:00.005+08:00

During those times, when you find it so tedious, so draining. When you resolve to accept fate, the way it is. When you know that it is pointless proving things otherwise. When you feel like giving up and choosing apathy.

Don't you just want to ball up your fists and shake them at the sky, all that while cursing its every cloud?

I kept waiting for the day to come but I guess it will never do so. I am passionate, I Dream, I Aspire, I Want, I Strive...but when I Do, all I get is a handful of mud. Sometimes, during those times of fruitless endeavors with unlike-minded beings and situations of the sort, I remind myself to do a little perseverance.

"I said it the last time, but this is the last time."

Looks like it will never be. I do believe that in this world, there are people who want, but will never obtain. And others who want, and will be. And then there are those who stumble upon nickles and dimes. Finally, there are bodies who are complacent.

Me? I'm just a little bit autistic.

Hasty Now, We've Got An Aeroplane To Catch

2009-05-03T19:19:00.008+08:00

Someone better slap me
Before I turn to rust
Before I start to decompose - RHCP

So you've managed to grab hold of him to go shooting balls with, eh?
With hopes of a substantial amount of information exchange, perhaps?
And a charade of emotions and finger-pointing?

Well, too bad honey, you ain't gonna change his mind. Not even with your oh-so-complicated words that have been popping up oh-so-frequently these days ;D You shouldn't have bothered tryin' cause you shoulda been smarter than that. Hoozahh!

The works and wonders of Hippiebot, along with M.J. Parker and Sir Ron Herb Senior will be gaining altitude in no time, so be in the watch, in case the hottboxx hits you between the eyes while you are sleeping (I'm sure it will, eventually. I'm just warning ya.). Phew, at least I can assure myself now that those times spent prancing and frolicking around with the unicorns on Cloud Nine aren't unproductive. Heh.

Such a happy place I'm in. Never in history would I have expected to stumble upon this little alluring piece of treasure, after the multitude of cesspits I have landed in. Plenty of time to watch and join the bees that fly by and yet I do not do it - for I am afraid of their stings. It's about time I take that leap, from this precarious position that I'm in. But then again, lets not speak too soon, shall we? Shut yo mouff when you talkin' to me!

Wow

2009-04-19T03:45:00.009+08:00

Also,
this and that.

Yours sincerely have been very ill as of recent and will therefore not bother herself in writing much and feeling guilty for being, well, lazy :P

Respite

2009-04-09T14:41:00.015+08:00

The first hurdle is finally over and done with.
I shall spend the week ahead in silent peaceful revelry, yes I shall.

Semester 5 so far has been one helluvah orrsomm one. Minimum drama (close to none), refreshing, and all the while being loved by not one, but many. Lecturers have been awfully unawful I sometimes wonder if I'm just clever. (jokes, bah. Ish ish ish). Bubba has been so terribly nice, despite me having to reject him several times due to (ahem) responsibilities. In fact, he's with me now as I type. Very rare of him to visit at this hour of the day though. I truly appreciate his company all the same mmhmm.

For once since a very long while, the house is so...tranquil. Them 2 rascals ran about too much now they're chilling just as I am. No random visits, no namegame, no soulcalibur, no food, no musiq, no tralalalala. Heck, I don't even care if I am making sense, for sense is making me ghey. I am but like a floaty hovery poppy bubble now and I laik it ♥

So, should I go to Malacca this weekend with AhAhRon and the Vanaynay? It's Easter :) We plan to skip the church thing and walk around like lost travellers instead. Nais? Or should I just go back to mom and do the REAL silent, peaceful revelry - with a touch of family? Hmm? Or should I just go to PENANG? Alone? That is one thing I've yet to try. Le sigh. Decisions, decisions. Annoying.

Speaking of going places,

KNIGHT CASTLE!!!!

FREEDOM 09!!!!

AHMAGAAAAADDDDDD someone stone me! (hardeeharhar)
I be the big 21 this year.

21 = Freedom 09.
21 = Graduation.
21 = Multiple celebrations yes yes YESSSS.

So everyone,
I sincerely and courteously invite
YOU to PARTAY at FREEDOM with MEH!
Dowan? Nvm, we celebrate after Freedom. Dinner, yes? And BBQ?
Hohohoho I WANT A JOB RIGHT NOW.

Btw, here's my Earth Hour a.k.a BBQ Q (late, so what?):

Candles <3

Jude Undercover

Vince No Cover

And Tya's birthday @ Republic

Cool dood

And zis is my cow. I laik my cow.

My cow.

And zis are random double yoo tee effs:

Yellow...dead yellow

Dog Food

Happy happy happy happy happy happy.
Oh Izzi's got a flower in her mouth. 0_O
ahahhahaa ok I'm going back to my Bubba.
Love love.

No one on the corner has swagger like us

2009-03-26T20:47:00.010+08:00

Apologies my lovelies, for I have not been able to allot sufficient time into anything but them academia as of late.

Tis too exhausting, this semester - what with major group assignments and merciless hours for classes and a real life client. I couldn't even find time for sleep. To add salt to the wound, my draft just got rejected today and no it does not bode well with my ego. And to add more salt, I got called "Grumpy", after being rejected. Oh noes.

In addition to that, I couldn't say that this is the healthiest, most conducive environment to be in the middle of all this shiz in. With people wanting to give up and quit left, right, and centre; and uber early classes every single weekday, giving me more reasons to skip them - please suggest the most painless, possible way for suicide.

I gotsta pick up some time management skills, I gotsta. How I could handle classes in the day and come home and chill for dinner, then work on assignments 'til it's past 12, I cannot fathom. Oh look, it's almost 9PM and I haven't started making amendments to my draft. Looks like it's no bedtime for me...AGAIN. Man, this post is heading towards being a rant and sorry I couldn't help it. Too much pent up emotions, too little time, too messed up to bother.

Could it possibly be due to the fact that our semester breaks are so fuhreaking spanned out that it became almost impossible for me to adjust and adapt to studying again that's taking this toll on me? I've got my head at so many other places - this post, for instance - and I haven't been writing up on assignments for yonks. Fragment, grammar, spelling, structure, cohesiveness and coherence all out the windodododododow. I'm assuming that this may be a huge contributing factor to this unimaginable fear of flunking that I'm experiencing right at this very moment.

Oh gosh somebody shoot me already.

On a side note, Sunburst this year was definitely an experience for me - scary yet adrenaline pumping at the same time. Thank godliness that I survived to tell the tale.

Here's Pharrell.

I know, I know. Loads of others got to be called on stage to prance around with him and this picture is nothing close to it and yadayada...but tis good enough for me. For I never once got too lucky in my life YET. teehee. More pictures on Sunburst here.

Methinks it's high time I go droning on about branding and B2B B2C product strategies and poop like those, etcetera. You guys be good. And wish me luck. Till whenever I have the time for another rant (or rejoicement), x.

Making Do

2009-03-07T22:24:00.011+08:00

If you do not give it much of a thought, it will not even bother you one bit. Hop on and enjoy the ride, I say.

Forgive me if this post daunts you. I haven't had the internet all to myself for 2 weeks now and what better time to spew forth those thoughts than right now, now here? Ah the past week has been surprisingly breezy despite the absence of the WWW. What with the chaotic PD trip and Mr. A-Z and Guitar Hero and good company and the Nay and TH Plantations and Benjamin Button and Mimi Garang and Peepee dog and glorious, glorious food by the Dan Man...who's complaining?

There is something about impromptus and last minute decisions and random shiz that make the happy-o-meter in me fluctuate...in a good way, I think. Keeps my mind off things and forces me to enjoy being in the moment of situations. You got lost on the way to Zanzibar? It's all good, might as well take in the view of the present. Forced to sleep in a furnace? It's not that bad, in fact I feel a little breeze on its way. Skate on thin ice? Strive to be careful or suffer the consequences.

Consequences. Damn, how intimidating can a word get? We all know that with random, last minute actions come severe consequences. But whether it is bad or good, it depends on you. Ah, discovery - I now know that things aren't as bad as how you'd make of it. Yay.

But of course, it too has a lot to do with Mr. Luck. I dare say that despite his MIA in countless times of need, he is actually always there if you don't stress it - like looking all over for your pen when it's in your hands, or something similar.

Oh, and Bubba. Yes, allow me to introduce Bubba. Bubba rings synonymous with, say, a friend that drags you down and "degenerates" you mentally and physically, yet you can't bring yourself to shut the doors on him cause he's the only one that could really pacify you and get you thinking all sorts of thoughts that make so much sense (in my case. And I enjoy the company of thoughts) ...but we all know that we will forget them once Bubba leaves. Oh how much I hate-love Bubba for he has been there for me through sleepless nights and ennui - my sanity would be at risk if it weren't for him.

We all make do. Some go to shrinks. Some get distracted. And some just slice open wrists like swiss cheese. Me, well I get busy - in ways that need no pays, for unlike you (yes you) I cannot afford rapid change and be admired for spending my dad's illegal money on aesthetics. Perhaps one day I will pull through. Right now though, I am making do. Watch.

Berimbau, berimbau

2009-02-20T12:39:00.015+08:00

KICK

ASS!

Now you JoAnn-fearing people.
One more reason for you to be afraid...be very very afraid.
MeowwrrRrrr!!!

Club 9 & The SIX Lounge tonight! We be strutting we be partying we be working the floor! You in? No, you out! xD

♥ Yesterday was Valentine's

2009-02-15T03:47:00.016+08:00

Yes, and not Shmelentines. Not Vajayjay Day too. I still don't wanna know what you did.

Forgive me for my apparent outrage of emotions on FB and my chatterific (&etc) - I'm just, well, bitter. hmm. For I never once had a memorable (because they don't deserve to be remembered) V-day and it's been, what, 20 V-days already? Last year's was a royal fuck up and this year is more like a Family Guy day with them KKs (I still LMAO at the frog scene). And the repairmamamamaman ditched us summore. -_-

Man, I have no idea why I had just publicly and carelessly tossed that notion into the frantic streams of Cyberspace. I have this thing about never revealing your deepest fears and vulnerabilities cause they might be used against you blahdiblah and here I am refuting myself. Way to go.

But it's all good now, the legendare's latest blog post and phone call super upped me. On the other hand, coming to terms with the sudden realization that I have indeed submerged approximately 36% of me into the ominous sea of superficiality isn't too easy to swallow. I completely cannot believe that I have allowed myself to do so. Eww. I shall reserve my views about Valentine's because everybody's got their fair 3secs of fame about their critically-acclaimed views and it's just stupidly redundant.

Very often I find myself genuinely compelled to deliver a hefty whack across my head for being so impossibly stupid. For the umpteenth time, since time immemorial, I should start appreciating the little things in life that become so magical in retrospect. As also mentioned sometime ago on a morbid Saturday morning, "I have to STOP and settle for the simple things that make me happy and STOP chasing temporary, illusional, puffy highs". Someone imprint it in my mind please.

I must admit that Bak Kut Teh with you is better than, say, an abyss.

And you, you whom I call my bff, you whom I had my first fight with on Valentine's day cause everybody else was cranky and the Sun was evil, here's to you:

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"YOU'RE there ♥"

It was a fair V-day nonetheless. And I am still awaiting my doggy speakers and other unknown presents stuck all the way in the greens. Give it up, yo!

Ah love. I sometimes wonder if it is as perennial or perpetual as I've been told it was.

I am suggesting actually that it is our obsession with perfection and permanence in love that is our root cause of our suffering in relationships. I believe that there is a virtue in relinquishing our attachment to perfection and permanence, without compromising the possibility for longevity in our romantic relationships.

- Shinen Wong, fridae

Declaring Myself

2009-02-12T22:40:00.022+08:00

And Introducing Me, the Intaaarnetz Addict.
Ok srsly, this is serious. This is not funny.
I was at mom's place for 2 whole weeks without internet and gosh the drama. I was writhing in agony inside my head okay. See how technology-dependent I have become?

and thus, "I who have always been unbecoming am now becoming un".
Hot damn, don't I just love Elphaba?

Anyhoo, yours sincerely is sincerely sick, down with the flu, caught a cold...fever too. Blames? Mom and the Nay. Two people whom I have a strong hate-love relationship with.

♥

These past few weeks have been whooshing by pretty fast I say. I haven't even had time to post up what I did for CNY.
~~Stupid internet guy. Say wanna come and fix the internet people wait 2 weeks you know?! Cilakak.~~

So many photos need to be put up. Grr. I'm so lazy and being in this numb stupor when I'm highly drugged by med doesn't help one bit. I even forgot if I've popped my pills or not. Damn. Sure OD. I love you guys remember that...

Anyways, Penang has been orsomm.

Thanks to these people. Crazy times we've had, huh?

And yes, Ed my babe. It was nais catching up with you. I know you miss me. loads.

Flew back on the 4th day of CNY with gudb0ii. Welcome warm weather.

Just wanted to share this pic with you guys cause how often do you see L'island d'Cloud?
Srsly, look.

An island of clouds in the sky, Jo Ann passing by.

So yeah, here I am back in the realms of the Klang Valley and watching the days go by so fast I don't even know where my life's heading. For the past 2 weeks,

- I witnessed 2 of my friends get pierced orally in the span of 5 days and I swear, twasn't a good sight.

- I moved out of the hellhole, scouted around fruitlessly for a place, found a place, and secured the deal. It's gon be a party house ya'll.

- I lalala love these peeps.

- And I lala love cupcakes

Spot the slore

- I lala love us

- Oooh yesh and I'M GOING TO SUNBURST!

- Nevermind that I was bullied thrice at once into paying off the "debts". I'm thankful for Nay to be there for me when I needed the kachings. They're never getting off my back till I clear it all out the drain so I'd better get some quick cash to do so. Fucking bloody blood suckers.

- Nevermind that you threw the alphabets f.r.i.e.n.d.s.h.i.p down the drain.

- Nevermind that you left without saying goodbye. I guess I can safely close the chapter to us now and let there be dust?

- Nevermind that the battle is won. Cause it gives a reason to a rematch. Watch out, you whoreanus bitches, for I shall totally get you back. I thank the Lord that Nay broke the lock. Yes, I do. I'm going to hell anyway so what?

Okay, I know the photos are uber small and stuff but bear with me I'm still figuring out how to upload the photos properly.
Gosh I never knew blogging on blogspot CAN be a pain in the anals as well. Sheesh.

So here's to now. I shall be back soonage. We be going to sign za contract for the new place tomorrowrow! Can't wait.

p/s: plenty of photos in Nay's camera to be posted. And of course, gudb0ii ran over a dog near our house and it was horrigible. And yeah, everyone please boycott Supperclub cause it's the worst club I've been to. kthxbye

Happy Chinky Niu Year!

2009-01-26T11:48:00.006+08:00

.
This is mummy's year. She be the cow

Take care peeps. Mae is ang pow hunting.
Rich! I will be rich, I tell ya!
♥

VB, VB, more VB

2009-01-24T20:48:00.011+08:00

Blahblahblah you are so self-conscious and you've got your head up high high high in that putrid sky. Every time I am compelled enough to take a peek, you disgust me...and well, I admit, you did me in too. But so what? Like them sucky sticks, I will learn abstinence in days to come. You no rockstar, you betch.

1,2,3,4 Lemme hear you scream if you want some more
Like Aaahh~
Push it push it watch me work it,
I'm perfect!

Wan mor houre. Oh noes, I should go get ready for the VB partay. So excited to be meeting them after so long. Come one, come all, come even ze unwanted, for eet ees 2009 and eet ees time to make merry.

2009-01-22T10:47:00.011+08:00

.
Looking back,
feeling just a lil bit sentimental...

2 years ago...
Bruto was accidentally, brutally murdered with a hairdryer and buried in a grave dug and shoveled by spoons.
Zomg. If it weren't for the blog, I wouldn't even remember that unfortunate event. Feeling so guilty as I type this.
That was during my hamster-frenzy days. Hah.
And we got Princess (which turned out to be a Prince) on that day itself and it attempted escape 3days after.
Then Baby and Nacho had Mamat, Ah Neh, and Ah Chai approx. 6 months after we got Princess.
And then Baby died...which surprisingly, was my last entry about hamsters.

Nacho went on to a peaceful death after that and Mamat, Ah Neh and Ah Chai never made it to adulthood - they became victims of domestic violence and their home was severely wrecked.

1 year ago...
I was blogging mushrooms

Sooo anyhoos, Chinese New Year is 3 days away and I still haven't done any shopping. I know, wth, what am I going to wear?

Oh well whatevers, I's thinking - I'm going to be meeting people I haven't met for a year, they surely won't be able to tell the old clothes from the new, will they? Save up yaww!

I still have stuff on my wishlist to grab and debts to settle!

And btw, yesterday was fun. Thankies be to Fiona, Jo and Cynthia

oh hai ^_^

2009-01-21T23:31:00.009+08:00

.
So yeah, first post. The long-awaited, overdue one I've been talking about.

It's finally here!

I'm so sorry xanga, I really am. You have served me well for the past 779 days (wow) and now I am forced to move on due to your indolent and (sometimes) stress-inducing ways.

Seeing that blogspot is so xanga-unfriendly, try as I might, I couldn't import the posts from my xanga site. Therefore, we shall start afresh and I shall convince myself that it is not that bad.

Alright then I'll leave it here for now. Till next time =D

p/s: Gawd I'm so going to miss xanga's smileys